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BDSM...what is that?

February 16, 2016

BDSM...what is that?

Fifty Shades of Grey has definitely sparked a great deal of interest in kink for those that have read the books or watched the first movie. However, BDSM is much different in real life than what is portrayed in the books and films. In reality, BDSM is not “abusive” nor are the relationships unhealthy between participants. In fact, many people truly do not understand what BDSM is. Many people think it is all about whips, chains and painful abusive sex. So let’s start at the beginning with what BDSM actually is. BDSM is merely an acronym and not an act itself. The acronym contains sets of smaller abbreviations for sets of erotic preferences and sexual expressions.

The first part of BDSM is bondage and discipline (B&D). Bondage is the use of restraints to enhance sexual pleasure. Discipline is the use of punishment or rules to reward and control behavior in a sexual context. Have you ever tied your partner up or spanked his or her butt for being naughty? If so, you’ve already lightly played around with bondage and discipline.

The second part is domination and submission (D/s). D/s is very ritualistic and almost purely emotional of the three concepts. In fact, physical contact is not necessary and can be done over telephone or email! On the flip-side, D/s can be physical as well which can cross over into sadomasochism, which is an element to the third, and final, BDSM concept. Domination and submission can only be truly successful if both parties enjoy either being dominated, dominating…or both. The dominants are the ones who hold a position of superiority and are referred to as “doms” (male) and “dommes” (female). Those that take on a subordinate role are referred to as submissives, or “subs” for short. It is possible for a person to enjoy both roles. These people are referred to as “switches.”

Lastly is sadism and masochism, or S&M. Sadism is the enjoyment or sexual satisfaction from inflicting pain or humiliation onto others. Masochism is one’s own enjoyment or sexual satisfaction from being subjected to pain or humiliation. S&M is typically the most physical of the three categories and is often what people perceive as entirely BDSM. Sadism and masochism truly involves whips and paddles where, often times, marks are left on the recipient. Have you ever smacked your partner’s butt while having sex and liked it? Have you ever liked having your hair pulled during sex? If so, you’ve already dabbled into the beginning stages of S&M.

Not everyone participating in BDSM is involved with all three parts. There can be many variations based on your own (and your partners) likes. For many participants, BDSM is a lifestyle. People who enjoy this lifestyle do so with responsibility, respect and a great deal of communication. A consensual agreement must always be made between participants. In the BDSM community, there is a set of principles that everyone lives by to guide relationships and activities: safe, sane and consensual.

We will dive deeper into each category in other posts. Feel free to click on the highlighted words above  to go directly to that respective category.

We hope you have enjoyed this post. Please feel free to comment if you have any questions, concerns, or information you'd like to share. Be sure to check back for more blogs and product reviews or subscribe to our newsletter for automatic updates. We can also be reached directly via email at robinandliam@couplesplaythings.com.

 Thanks again,
 
 Robin & Liam

 

 




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