“Let’s talk about sex baby. Let’s talk about you and me.” Did this song from Salt ‘N’ Pepa come to mind after reading the title? I know it did for us! Okay…enough being silly. It’s time to move onto a serious topic.
Communicating your emotions, needs and desires is extremely important in any relationship between loving partners. Much research has been done linking a satisfying sex life to couple’s communication. The common conclusion is that couples who communicate and understand the other person’s emotions, desires and needs are more likely to have a satisfying sex life. For us, that theory holds true.
Have you or your partner ever been scared about trying something new? I know we have. Has there ever been a time when you were both lying in bed after a sexual escapade wondering why it didn’t feel as good as the last time? We have. Ever have ideas that you’re not “sexy” enough for your partner? We’ve been there before too. Whatever the idea is running through your mind…communicate it to your partner! The key to a healthier sexual relationship can be achieved by simply communicating with your lover. Communication is not just simply talking. It can also be expressed through our actions, gestures and emotions.
There are several “key ingredients” below that can make your sexual recipe very tasty.
Empathy, simply put, is the ability to share someone else’s feelings and perceptions. Understanding and taking on your partner’s perspective can greatly increase sexual pleasure. Be mindful of their likes and dislikes when it comes to how you touch him or her. Although each person is different, there are many shared erogenous zones on the body. Pay attention to your partner and make them feel good. Being empathetic can lead to better and more frequent orgasms. In fact, in our own experience, there have been times that one of us did not have a “physical orgasm”, instead we experienced a “mental orgasm” from giving the receiving partner “the big O.” There can be a great deal of satisfaction knowing you are able to provide such fulfillment to your partner.
Compliment your partner
Everyone is prone to having a low self-esteem. Although the frequency may differ from person to person, we’ve all been there at some point. Having a low self-esteem can decrease the desire for intimacy, or in some cases, completely shut it down. Love your partner for who they are and compliment them often. Let them know that you do not expect them to have the perfect body or whatever it is that is keeping them from enjoying themselves…and you. We’ve had situations where we were not happy with our bodies and would shut the lights off. Leave the lights on. Gaze deeply into your partner’s eyes and let them know how fantastic they are. Admire their body for what it is.
Respect your partner
You and your partner may not always be on the same wavelength. We are individuals and we have different needs and desires at different times. For example, you are all hot and bothered...and ready for a little “69” action. Your partner, however, just isn’t in the mood for it at that particular time. Yeah, you may be a bit irritated that you don’t get your way, but do not make a big deal of it. Respect your partner and move onto something else. A little bit of compromise can go a long way!
Tell them what you want
We are human beings and don’t have telepathic powers. If you want something, simply ask for it. As much as I wish we could read other people’s minds, unfortunately, we cannot. If you want a finger in the bum, then tell your partner to put a finger in your bum. That’s right…it is that simple. There is nothing wrong with telling your partner what you want. A time will come when your partner tells you what they want so always be ready to reciprocate.
Give your partner instructions
During sexual play, has your partner ever rubbed too hard or done something that felt unpleasant? Tell your partner when something is wrong or uncomfortable. If they are rubbing your clit or stroking your shaft too hard, simply let them know they are doing it too hard. Maybe you’re having some oral play and you want him to rub your butt. Grab his hand and move it to your butt as a helpful “hint” that your butt wants some attention too.
After a good ol’ fashioned bout of hot sex, it never hurts to have a debriefing. Talk about what was really hot and exciting. Express what wasn’t as enjoyable. Come together as a team to make future endeavors as satisfying as possible.
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