Have you and your partner discussed the “A” word yet? You know what we’re talking about, right? Yes, the almighty, scary and taboo word…anal. For us, we're not quite sure what's so taboo about anal play and anal sex.
Did you know there are thousands of nerve endings in the anus? There are more nerve endings in the anus than there are in the vagina, or penis. These nerve endings are interconnected with our main pelvic muscles and, often times, contract rhythmically during orgasm. So why are we so scared to try? Maybe it is because people say it’s painful. Others tell us it can be messy. Some people, especially straight men, are lead to believe that they are homosexual because they enjoy “taking it in the butt.” These things are all just mere misconceptions. Does it make sense to exclude anal play from your sexual repertoire? We don’t think so. Again, this is just another erogenous zone that can be stimulated and can lead to additional orgasms. The anus can be stimulated alone or simultaneously with the vagina or penis. Many women have said they go absolutely crazy having both areas stimulated at the same time and have reported to have explosive orgasms.
Below are some tips to make anal sex an enjoyable part of your love life.
Communication can often take much courage…especially when bringing up anal play with your partner. If you have ever thought “hmm…I’d like to try anal”, then maybe it's time to talk. For us, bringing up new ideas is often done while resting after a great love-making session. This could be the perfect time since you're probably at your most relaxed state. It’s a simple question for your partner. Have you ever wanted to try anal? You may be surprised by your partner’s response and it could lead to more orgasms and more interconnectedness between the two of you. Also, do not be afraid to give clues to your partner when you want to try things. Some people like to “prepare” beforehand.
Anal play doesn't have to be one-sided. Both men and women can truly enjoy anal play. Whether you decide to go full penetration, or just some light stimulation, each person should be willing to be the recipient. Personally speaking, we would never expect to be the giver without being the recipient. In fact, having something done to your own body will allow you to understand what feels good and what does not. When the roles are reversed, you can revert back to your own receiving experience.
Take it slow
We can almost guarantee that the receiving partner will never want to try again if you just dive right in. This could be a very painful experience that the receiver will, most likely, never forget. You need to take it slow. Start with just massaging the entire buttocks and then work your way to the rim of the anus with a finger. This will allow the receiver to get comfortable to having that part of the body stimulated.
Breathe and relax
Be certain to take some deep controlled breaths. This will help relax you while something is trying to enter the anus. Often times, these controlled breaths create contractions in the PC muscles of the anus that can result in easier penetration. Relaxing your PC muscles should almost feel as if you were about to go poop…no worries, you probably won’t. Another way to relax is to have other areas of the body massaged simultaneously as the anus. This can really increase the excitement leading to even greater orgasms.
Use lots of lube
Unlike the vagina, the anus does not produce any natural lubricants. Applying generous amounts of lube will allow for easier entry. One note of caution, I would stay away from desensitizing lubricants. These types of lubricants lessen the sensitivity to the area that they're applied. Our philosophy is this: if you feel some pain, stop. Something’s not right. These desensitizing lubricants assist in taking the pain away which can be harmful. We personally do not use these types of lubricants for that very reason. If using a finger or glass toy, a silicon-based lubricants are highly recommended. If using a silicone toy on your backside, please use a water-based lubricant as silicone lubes can cause the toy to deteriorate. . Please check out our blog, Lubrication 101, for more information on lubes.
Start small and don’t try everything at once
It’s a good idea to try things little-by-little. In the beginning, we recommend first trying some solo play if your partner is not available or is hesitant. Starting out, just try massaging the rim of the anus. Maybe even try to slide one finger inside. The next time you try, do the same thing and add a second finger or a small toy. Once you build some comfort to having something inside, you can then work your way up to larger things. One thing we tried ourselves was the Trinity Silicone Butt Plug Kit. Eventually, once completely comfortable, it will be time to go “all the way” and insertion of the penis, or strapon, can be achieved. Check out our Anal Playthings section for a wide variety of anal toys and the Playthings for Couples section for strapon harnesses and compatible dildos. Some people try it and never like it while others try it and love it. You should know after 5 or 6 tries whether anal play is going to be a permanent addition to your bedroom play. If you never like it, that is completely fine too…and your partner should respect your decision.
Prepare yourself and be clean
Yes, anal play can get dirty from time to time which should be no surprise considering it is where the poo goes. With that said, it never hurts to wash up before playing. Whether it be a nice soapy wash rag or trying an enema, it is always a considerate thing to do for your giving partner. Yes, there will be times when a little bit of poop might be encountered, just be sure not to make a big deal of it. Being clean is extremely important in two specific cases. First is rimming. If you are not aware of rimming, it is when the giver uses his or her tongue to stimulate the anus. This drives many people crazy as there is nothing like the feeling of a warm and wet tongue massaging your pucker! If the giver is afraid of direct “tongue to anus” contact, there are oral dam options that provide a barrier between the two. Secondly, when fingering the anus, be sure to never use that same finger to play with the vagina as it can transfer bacteria to the vagina. This could possibly result in an infection. Condoms are always an option as well to cover the penis or anal toys to prevent infections and the spreading of bacteria.
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