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Sexual Stamina; Is Mine Bad?

February 09, 2018

Sexual Stamina; Is Mine Bad?

“Hi Liam & Robin. I’ve been having issues with my stamina during sex. I’m only able to last three to four minutes during intercourse and I’m becoming very frustrated about it. I want to perform at my very best for my fiancé and I’m worried that she’s not enjoying it as I don’t think she orgasms. Outside of the bedroom our relationship is great but I fear losing her because I can’t last long during sex. I would really appreciate any advice that you two would be willing to share.”

-Jason, New York


Hey Jason!

Thank you so much for reaching out to us! Rest assured, you’re not the only person facing this same issue. We talk to a lot of couples that have a difficult time with bedroom stamina. The dynamics of a relationship can vary from one couple to the next. Therefore, it may take some trial-and-error before finding the perfect resolution to this issue. Here are some ideas that may help.

Have you spoken with your fiancé about your performance in the bedroom? If not, that’s the very first place we think you should start. Healthy communication will allow the two of you to determine if something is truly wrong. Once you agree that there’s some needed work, act as a team and come up with some solutions, and give those potential solutions a try until finding something that works. During your communication, encourage her to be brutally honest. As for you, be receptive to her honest feedback and feelings without becoming defensive. Below are some questions you may want to ask her including our reasoning for each question.

  • Do you enjoy intercourse with me? You may just find out that she’s completely happy with your current performance in bed. Your standards and expectations may not be the same as hers. If she’s happy, great! If not, then move to the next question.
  • Is there anything I could be doing to make intercourse/playtime better? If she’s not currently satisfied, asking this question may lead to some new discoveries about her (and you).
  • Is it important for you to achieve an orgasm? An orgasm is not the ‘be all, end all’ of a healthy and meaningful sexual encounter. For many couples, taking time to explore each other’s bodies and adding fun/laughter to playtime is as equally satisfying as an orgasm.
  • Are you able to achieve an orgasm? Not everyone expresses their orgasm in the very same way. Some people moan loudly, while others are quiet. Some people have gushing fluids while others do not. Some people can’t reach orgasm at all. Do not assume that she doesn’t orgasm…ask her. If she confirms that she doesn’t orgasm (but is able to orgasm), then find out what has worked for her in the past and ask to practice those same techniques on her.
  • Do I last long enough for you? Getting straight to the point is the easiest way to find out if you need to work on your stamina. Don’t assume that she doesn’t enjoy your 3 to 4 minute sessions…maybe that’s all she wants or requires. If you're a porn watcher, it's very common to see guys pounding away like jack hammers for 30 to 45 minutes straight. If you've set your own expectations to that of a porn star, what you see in a lot of mainstream porn is far from what happens in real life.  

In reading your question, it seems apparent that you’re able to achieve orgasm. It just happens quicker than you’d prefer. The way your question is worded, it’s also very apparent that you care about your fiancé and want to ensure that you satisfy her needs. If you’ve already sat down and discussed the questions above, and the two of you have determined that she can’t reach orgasm...add some foreplay! PIV (penis in vagina) sex is not the only way to achieve an orgasm. Personally speaking, foreplay has become an essential part of our playtime routine. Taking the time to incorporate fifteen minutes or more of erotic massage, oral sex, mutual masturbation, or mutual sex toy play can help heat things up and push her closer to orgasm before penetrative sex. In fact, many people have orgasms during foreplay!

Lastly, if the two of you agree that your stamina truly is subpar, here are some potential ways to improve:

  • Practice edging. Edging (aka: orgasm denial) can be done alone or together. To learn more about edging, check out our article: Taking It To The Edge.
  • Do Kegel exercises. Yes, you heard us correctly. Kegel exercises are not just for people with a vagina. All genders have pelvic muscles. Tighten your pelvic floor muscles and hold them for 3 to five seconds, then release for 3 seconds. Continue doing this cycle for 5 to 10 minutes…and do this once or twice each day.
  • Wear a cock ring during intercourse. Using a stretchable cock ring around the base of the penis often helps maintain an erection by trapping blood within the shaft of the penis. Some vibrating rings, such as the LELO Pino, are contoured so that the clitoris can be stimulated during intercourse.
  • Change masturbation techniques. If you use your hand, change things up and try using a penis massager such as a Fleshlight, Tenga, or Pulse III DUO.
  • Get plenty of exercise. Exercising daily for 30 minutes helps maintain muscle and bone strength, and helps improve circulation.
  • Avoid performing under pressure. Let your mind be free of sexual expectations when having intercourse. Thinking and worrying about lacking stamina while having intercourse typically causes unnecessary pressure and anxiety.
  • Have sex more often. As the old adage goes “practice makes perfect.” The more sex you have, the better you get and it will (hopefully) help increase your stamina.
  • Reduce friction by adding lube. The penis is filled with thousands of nerve endings making it extremely sensitive. Adding friction to the equation during intercourse can overstimulate the penis often causing ejaculation to happen too quickly. Adding some quality lube during penetration can help reduce friction extending your playtime.


Best of luck Jason!
Liam & Robin

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